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’ I had a good role model in the art of empty death threats. My mother once threatened Mary Alice Jenning after she came to the church bake off with...the exact same great-grandma hand-me-down flourless chocolate cake. I heard through the cane walkers Mary Alice tripped over the bingo card table. She also dropped out because the seniors weren’t too pleased when their game was delayed. You don’t piss off bingo players and you don’t piss of an Irish mother of seven children, six of which are boys. . We had a lot of fun at the lake each year. So when they invited me to come up to the cottage with them, I jumped at the chance. There was a motor boat and a canoe that we would go out on the lake. My first night in the cottage I lay in my bed listening to the strange noises coming from the room next to mine. It was where my aunt and uncle slept. I knew enough to know that they were having sex as I listened to my aunt moaning how good it was and asking for it 'DEEPER' and then hearing my uncle. “How about when they had to create the new hole? That must have been painful.” “No the worst part was when they stuck the straw in my ear and sucked out half my brains.”Why did God give women nipples?To make suckers out of men.Why did the Detroit Lions hire two nuns and a prostitute for the new season?Because they needed two tight ends and a wide receiver.Why are clams like women?When the red tide comes, you don’t eat them.How does a man know when he’s eaten pussy well?When he wakes up in the. Complete openness is refreshing.”Her smile faded a bit. Damnit, I keep stepping over the same line. But it’s hard to avoid it when we’re talking about having sex while trying to respect her marriage. Making another attempt to change the mood, he asked, “So what’s on the agenda for today?”The cloud hovering over her expression disappeared, and she snorted. “Haven’t you listened to a thing I’ve said? Sex. Sex is on the agenda. Sex, followed by more sex, followed by even more sex. I’ll allow.
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